How we speak to one another has everything to do with how we connect.

For example, if someone gives you a compliment and they use ‘and’ in the sentence, they’re more likely a connector.

If they use ‘but’ they’re likely not a connector.

Connectors look for and use bridges. And is a bridge.

Orange you glad you know this now??

Check this out:

“Juan, you’re excellent at greeting everyone at the door but I noticed you forgot a few people.”

“Juan, you’re excellent at greeting everyone at the door and I noticed you missed a few people.”

Which one would you rather hear?

Which one is constructive and still positive? Which one is not?


And brings us together, it joins concepts and ideas. But parts the sea of coming together, with the seemingly innocuous three letter – b u t – negating the first part of the sentence. Rather like the oft-backhanded comment, “Bless their heart!”

When we speak, we are trying to communicate. We communicate for many reasons – to share, to tell, to instruct, to guide, to cajole, to discipline and so on the list goes.

To communicate well is to be mindful of our speaking – the words we use first among the concerns to speak well.

How we speak is a huge part of how we connect. If you want to connect better, start by replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’. See how it changes your mind, how it impacts those you’re speaking with (never to), and tell me how it goes.